I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
