she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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