dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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