This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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