I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Found your dick twin last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
