He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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