I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Boobs are out for the taking
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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