This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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