it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
