I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
