He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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