Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
