I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
