So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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