Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
