I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
