I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
