you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize