weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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