I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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