that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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