I feel like I'm in dance class right now
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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