So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
