end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize