I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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