hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
