We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
