Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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