What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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