New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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