Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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