someone threw a dead crab at me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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