You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
