I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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