where am i from again
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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