last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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