Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
