He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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