my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
