cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
