I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
