I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
