ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
