i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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