i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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