I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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