dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
