I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
