Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
