Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
