so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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