Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
