yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
