Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
