Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
