No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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