where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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