I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize