Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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