Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
false alarm. still invincible.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
