Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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