this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
