Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We're too hungover to prance.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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