if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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