I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
