sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
