I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
