Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
