She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize