God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
