I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
