Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
