How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
