His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
