you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
