What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
