I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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