Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
