woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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