please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
