we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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