hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
