I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
