scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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